Sunday, November 20, 2005

Who is this shrew who stalks Peter's posts?

Take a look at this blog, which is entirely devoted to criticizing Pete's blogs. You might be saying to yourself, "But wait a minute -- isn't that what YOU do, you hypocritical cankersore?" To which I must respond, "Yes, but I am doing this for a valid reason -- pure hate -- whereas the freak who writes that blog is impure in her ambivalence."

You see, the blog is run by Pete's ex-girlfriend. Apparently there is some bad blood between them.

But instead of putting Pete behind her, as any healthy human would do after a painful breakup, she taunts him via a series of regular postings. What this means is that (1) she is constantly monitoring Pete's blog to see what he's written; and (2) she evidently still has feelings for Pete bottled up in the kind of way that tends to leave people covered in sticky foam.

So let's take a look at the inanity that "Peter's Ex Girlfriend" (whom we'll call PEG for short) posted on Sunday, Nov. 13.

She begins by commenting on the obvious flaw of Pete's post: What is the big deal about being approached by a stranger? (The blog details how Pete got hit on by a gay man, which Pete saw fit to write about as if it were an earth-shattering occurrence.) Okay, score one point for PEG.

But PEG overplays her hand. She says, for example, both that she was "immediately confused" and "momentarily stumped." Redundancy city. Someone get this chick an editor, she repeats herself throughout the post.

Then PEG lays in on Pete for apparently having "manic epiosdes" fueled by coffee and nicotine. I reread Pete's post and I didn't see the words "manic" or "coffee" anywhere. Nor does he say he was in the "inner city" during the "wee hours"; in fact, he says "next morning" which implies daytime. PEG must be drawing from some past experience with Pete, maybe back when she used to wax his carrot behind convenience marts by moonlight.

PEG tests us with this little paradox: "Peter attracts weirdos, that remains an unspoken notion or at least it should be." Ummm....I think Schrodinger's cat just died. This sentence is false. This notion that I am speaking is unspoken!

PEG's post gets really bizarre in a long passage about dogs that can smell meat in dumpsters and the scent of pre-menstrual females. What the hell? PEG is telling us more about herself than about Pete here, and I think what it all comes down to is that she likes to cruise for stray-dog sex in dumpsters. We all have our fetishes.

PEG sums it all up by saying, "I read the post and immediately had to go take a long shower." But something tells me, with the way PEG obsesses over Peter, that what she really needed was a cold shower. Or perhaps a long bubble-bath session with an adjustable shower head and a dirty magazine.


At 6:55 AM, Blogger theworldaccordingtopeteaccordingtome said...

Thanks for the publicicty - even bad publicity with all it's untruths is publicity-hell it worked for Marilyn Manson... keep 'em rolling baby..


p.s. you got it all wrong and that makes both of us look bad-not to mention it is very bad journalism- kind of like the you need to earn yourself a first-person interview before you really embarrass yourself..further...

At 7:04 PM, Blogger Cone said...

How about, "I hate Pete!" tee shirts. On the front it says, "I hate Pete!" and on the back it says,"I hate people who hate pete" with a small lable that reads, Dis-Info.

That way you can capatilize on the publicity!

If it picks up popularity you could use it as a promotional campaign of course!

That way, capatilizing on hate could be profitable.

None of this idea, the sentences on the tee shirts or any other aspect of this idea may be recreated for any purpose without the specific written permission of the copywrite holder:(Copywrite 11/2005 CONE)


At 7:05 PM, Blogger Cone said...

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