Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Pete Hides Behind Jesus

Often when politicians are desperate for votes or attention, they call on God. You can practically hear them screaming, "Vote for me, I'm with the Lord!" This Alabama cornhole is a recent example. (It's a tactic second only to politicians trying to prohibit flag burning when they're in the hot seat for corruption.) But who would have thought Peter would stoop so low?

That's what has happened in Pete's latest post. Pete says he found Jesus. Which is stupid, this whole business about "finding Jesus." Like Jesus is a pair of car keys that fell behind the couch cushion. Or an Alzheimer's patient who goes on a walk and never comes home.

All of this underscores the fact that Pete's born-again story is hooey. I think Peter is running scared. He knows that I'm on to him and his false claims to being a "blogger artist" via posts about Jewish restaurants and homeless Gentiles.

Peter makes liberal use of the Bible Gateway website to bolster the authenticity of his Christian status. But he immediately blows it when he claims Jesus would choose generic coffee over Starbucks coffee. Any true Christian knows it is better to spend your money on overpriced Frappucino. You know the crowned, long-haired woman in the Starbucks logo? That's no woman, that's the King of Kings.

Peter is no more a Christian than Daniel Radcliffe is Frodo. Pete says he took "Jesus into his heart," what he really means is that he took Jesus Juice into his kidneys. Peter says he "walks with Jesus." I say Peter walks with rabid bears.

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